Throwback!

Hello, beautiful (or handsome ha ha)!

Its another hot one today, but at least its not cloudy. I hope your day is going good :)

Now, today is Thursday. And unless you have been living under a rock (sorry, Patrick) for the last decade, you know that Thursday means throwback. I have never done one on the blog before, but have done it on my Instagram and thought why do it here too.

It is so weird to think that two years ago I went to my Senior Prom and graduated high school. I will never forget that world wind of two days. It was also blistering hot that day like it is today. Plus, my high school just had their prom exactly a week from today, and graduation is a week from tomorrow. 

(Weird. I had hair. As you can see I loved bronzer, even then. Some things never change, eh? lol)

(Me and my buddy Matt. No he was not my date. Didn't have one.)

So crazy! I looked so different back then.

Anyways, I thought to myself today, I have blogged so much about the exterior components of beauty, but haven't discussed inner beauty. Well, today is the day. I mentioned on my first post that inner beauty is deeply connected to how beautiful you are one the outside. 

So today I wanted to talk about a component of inner beauty that is really important and that I think everyone (I hope) can relate to: being true to oneself. 

In high school I was not very well known and only had a handful of friends. And honestly I was fine with that. At the time I had great friends, but somehow I never quite felt like myself. Even around my closest friends, I felt unable to let my true self shine through. I remember doing and saying things that just weren't me. But, of course since I continued this type of behavior that is who people thought I was. I pretty much got stuck in this rut of negativity and pure wastefullness. Yes that is not a word, by any means, but it is the only way I can think of to explain it to you. Now, don't get me wrong. I didn't go around being angry with everyone or spend my weekends with 'low-lives', as my mother would say ha ha. I also did pretty good in school. But I never got involved in things. I never tried to make new friends than the ones I already had. I never thought I would fit in anywhere else. So I just kept on ignoring the person I am. 

I'm not saying that I regret hanging out with the friends I had, or that we didn't have fun (believe me, we did) but I sometimes wish I could go back to things like Prom, graduation, school in general, and just really be there. You know? Just really present. I look back on Prom and high school and just remember being uncomfortable in my own skin. I wish I really could have enjoyed it more.

I wouldn't say that I was insecure, just unsure. 

Now things are totally different. I feel more like myself than ever before. People and friends from high school see me now, or see the way I am and tell me how different I am or how much I have changed. The truth is I didn't change at all. I just stopped being that person that I was pretending to be. I just became myself. I really am a positive person and like to spread that around. I don't wanna waste my time anymore with negativity. Negativity is really rubbish. Before I moved and before high school I was a happy girl. Now she is back, baby! I am silly, weird even. And love to laugh, be crazy, and joke around. Only now I do it to be funny and not to try to be funny.

I will admit there are times where I give in to my negative thoughts and am sad sometimes. But, who isn't? That's why I think this post is so important. Its not only for boys and girls in high school who just want to belong somewhere. Adults, even as old as 80 years old, deal with this. Its also important to remember that its not about being perfect or always being sure of yourself, but about staying as true to yourself as possible in the situation you are in. 

Whenever I am sad or feeling some type of way I will do something productive. I workout, read a book, clean something, watch a funny movie, or something as simple as taking deep breaths.

 Lately, it has been this right here. Blogging. Blogging has saved me. I blog to share with you all my discoveries about beauty or fashion, and you read it and get something from it. And that right there is a positive, beautiful thing, my friends. I get something out of you enjoying my blog. The happiness I feel then gets put into my blog, and (hopefully) makes you happy. Then happiness, instead of the sadness, gets passed around. See the picture I'm painting for you? 

I would have never been able to do this blog two years ago. The idea to put myself out there would have frightened me. But, no more. I realized that I had skills and knowledge that I could share with you all. It was always so easy for me to believe that I had some type of talent, but I do. And to all of you out there reading this, so do you. Among you there are writers, painters, scientists... etc. 

So here I am, accepting my self more and more each day, telling you that you are awesome and don't try to hide it. It might sound kind of crazy, but sometimes I tell myself that if my mind is thinking it, the opposite is probably the truth. So if you have that voice in your head that is telling you something negative or harmful, don't listen. If it is telling you to continue something that you know is really not good for you, do the opposite. And, who knows? Maybe I am too young to fully know who I am, but I know who I am definitely not, and it was not that girl in high school. There were some moments when it would shine through, but I couldn't seem to hold on to it.

So, for any young girls that are in high school or going into their senior year next fall, be present. Do not get distracted by the 'drama'. It will not matter in a year. Hell, it won't even matter in a couple of days. Also, if you haven't already, shed that facade you put on every day. As Jessie J would say, There's nothing wrong with who you are :) Don't worry if you don't talk or act like the rest of your friends. Chances are they will stick around. It is also likely that most of the insiders and jokes you guys repeat over and over again were also your doing, so there is no need to be obnoxious with it (like I was, sadly). I wish I would have realized this earlier.

And for all my other people, like me, you are more sure of yourselves but sometimes feel like you have a long way to go. Just hang in there buddy because you are heading in the right direction. 

Finally, for those of you who are reading this and going, Damn I feel like I'm stuck in this cage and will never get out. Sure you can. Just tell yourself that it is pointless being afraid. You cannot run from yourself forever, you know. Plus, people might already see who you really are and you are just being too hard on yourself. And in case no one has told you today I love you, you deserve so much more than you think, and are truly amazing. When you see that, you can achieve anything. 

See? Ha ha ha. Get it? Yes, no, maybe lol

Thank you all so much for reading, I love you guys :) Group hug? Ha ha.

-Nicole 

x.

What were your high school experiences?
Did you feel the same way in your high school years or if you are still in it?